Thursday, January 30, 2014

Medicine, Medicine, As Far As The Eye Can See

I know my regular posting schedule has been off. I do apologise for being inconsistent. But there's a good reason for it.

   Since my sister died in September, I have had a hard time finding energy. My sister passed Sept 12, and since Sept 30, we've had foster kids. So it has been stress after stress after stress. For the past 4,5 months, whenever I get downtime, I sleep. Or else I watch Netflix in bed all day and don't change out of my jammies for 2-3 days. My house has been a mess for the past few months, and the kids are getting used to eating boxed or canned foods, because I only cook once or twice a week. I get next to nothing accomplished, unless I have external motivation (like a social worker visit).
   My therapist suggested that I might be dealing with depression. I told her that was stupid, because I have Bipolar disorder, and usually depression is just a phase for a few hours/days.  I talked to my husband about it, and he agreed with my therapist.
   So I got more medicine, this time antidepressants. And things are starting to change. I want to get up, I want to...I don't know...be productive again. But some days it's still so hard to find the willpower to function. So, I apologise for my scattered postings.
   In a lot of ways, parts of me died with my sister, and I'm just trying to figure out how to live again.

4 comments:

  1. Depression can be so sneaky, especially when there are other external factors (like foster kids) that can take the blame for your moods instead. I've only had one bout of depression and it knocked my whole world for the biggest loop (stopped working, eating ect.) I didn't even have a word for what I was feeling until I found out that depression can be a pregnancy symptom at my first gyn appointment. I'm forever thankful to a dear friend who literally made me get out of bed every day while my husband was working, I don't know how I would have made it through without him.

    I'm thankful for your therapist and super supportive husband since they both care about you. I feel like your support system and this small pharmaceutical boost can work together to get you back on an even keel.

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    1. Wow. That sounds terribly scary! I'm glad you had a good support system, too!

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  2. I lost a close childhood friend 18 months ago. She was like a sister to me and my family. The first six months suck. I couldn't believe how much living hurt. After 7 months or so, I started to feel alive again and guilty. The second year is better.

    Hang in there. You are working through a lot.

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